maandag 22 augustus 2011

my legs hurt

i am in pain
and i have show it to myself
and the world
let them
know about
my suffering

i feel it just a little
but not enough
tomorrow i will feel it completely

let go
close your eyes
start again

i am not done yet
the punishment always wins

what's the point
nobody listens

I don't even listen
people tell me so.

what they don't know is that i have an archive of words
in my head
sometimes they bother me at night
when the lights are out
and i have given in to the darkness
i hear their words
repeating conversations in my head

nobody listens.
but as a reader who reads between the lines
i heard what you were saying
by just looking at you.

i wish i wasn't invisible.
i'm here
all you have to do is open your eyes

people don't listen
I'd rather be blind than deaf
I'm glad I paid attention when
those nuns taught me how to type blind

I don't need sight
to hear the colorful birds sing in the morning

See me
Recognize me
Indulge me
Record me
Love me
Hurt me
Leave me
Hate me

Don't ignore my flesh
my blood
the cracks in skin
the lines in my face

my legs hurt
my back aches
I have been standing in the
exact same position
like a Rodin statue
at the same place under the concrete tunnel
at the hotel where they charged me triple the amount for a beer
where you left me

I took the elevator
walked through the corridor
slipped my card key in the door
and went to bed

But I never left.