zaterdag 14 maart 2009

A change of speed, a change of style.
A change of scene, with no regrets,
A chance to watch, admire the distance,
Still occupied, though you forget.
We'll share a drink and step outside,
An angry voice and one who cried,
We'll give you everything and more,
The strain's too much, can't take much more.
I've walked on water, run through fire,
Can't seem to feel it anymore.
It was me, waiting for me,
Hoping for something more,
Me, seeing me this time,
Hoping for something else.

taken from - joy division - new dawn fades

donderdag 12 maart 2009

i'm not your friend

"Didn't understand what to see. Yeah, then I got a different view
It's Wait, I'm gonna give it a break.
I'm not you friend, I never was." - The Strokes

donderdag 5 maart 2009

"Time weighs down on you like an old, ambiguous dream. You keep on moving, trying to sleep through it. But even if you go to the ends of the earth, you won't be able to escape it. Still, you have to go there- to the edge of the world. There's something you can't do unless you get there."
-Haruki Murakami (Kafka on the Shore)

Some things you don’t know you miss until, out of nowhere, you have them back, or have them back but back all wrong…The way, after a dream, where you’ve kissed someone who, in real life, you’ll never kiss again, maybe you’ve never kissed at all, you wake up and realize, in the throbbing pit of your stomach, how impossible it is to live without kissing them again.
— Jerry Stahl, Perv—A Love Story

The masochist desires to experience pain, but he generally desires that it should be inflicted in love; the sadist desires to inflict pain, but he desires that it should be felt as love…
— Studies in the Psychology of Sex

zondag 1 maart 2009

the passenger

Do you remember how we used to curl up in to one another, how we could lose ourselves in one look, lashes locked together, the stroke of your hands made my hairs stand up, as they still do when you touch me.

Do you remember when we laughed so hard I almost had a stroke, and all those times I cried because of the shit hitting the fan again, probably over some stupid stunts I'd pulled, because yeah, you would never do anything out of the blue

Nothing you do is strange to me, there are no surprises, no big gestures, and everything is common ground. I am so used to everything, I wonder who you are or who you could be without me, as I do the same for me, what would my life be if I wouldn't have you to pick up the pieces behind me, would I get lost in all my travels, and jump start my carreer in to oblivion, would I come back home at night after another succesful day and simply find myself alone, with no funny man to share my stories with? Who would laugh at my stupid jokes? Would I be a different person at all ? Would I want to know all these things ... without you?

Do you remember those days before we went numb, we really felt something... something special, extraordinary, pure, unconditional love, real heart.

Do you remember the dark nights of endless talk, the unsaid words, the discoveries of your feelings and mine, getting to know everything there is to know about your person and vice versa, and how long that took for both of us to really open up.

I feel like the odd one out. A stranger looking in, often looking for a way out. Out of the ordinary, I want to shake into you some real life. Make you see what it is I'm talking about, feeling that blood gushing through your veins, THIS IS IT! THIS PURE FUCKING HIGH called livin it up, is driven by Impulse, usually involving some Random acts of Foolishness or self destruction, and Excitement for all things New and uncommon. We need absolute rushes where you lose yourself, where your mind is wrecked out of control, and where for once, you don't have to think. I would let you understand, bring you with me on this crazed, confused and unexpected journey. If you would let me, that is. The trick is: Take Risks. Throw off all shame you've garnered over the years and Finally: Give in! Logical living equals Methodical, or Planned living, equals Elderly. No one has to live this kind of life willingly. This plan will get in to motion when you are either a) in a hospital b) in a retirement home, in either way, kill me now.
If I could I would drag you with me outside and do everything for you that you couldn't, I would face your fears for you, I would kick in some doors for you and close old ones, I'd take away the pain you'd experience during this one way ticket ride..except I can't. Face it: The world is passing by and you are missing out.

Do you remember when I tried to get you to speak to me when you were mad, talking to you in all kinds of tones and shifting moods every two seconds while doing so, no matter what, i would wait forever for you to give in, to talk to me, to give me that hug and tell me that you'd love me once again. Now, i don't try so hard anymore....

Do you remember when our safe little world shattered, and we had to trade it in for another kind of world. The moment when we knew life had it in for us, and we were not spared just because we were cute, here it was where our fairy tale life ended, and finally realized we were vulnerable, that we too were heading for a - hopefully long - bumpy road ahead leading to our inevitable demise. As long as we were together we could deal with it,...

Do you remember when simple things were enough to keep us satisfied, and as the years go by, we start to wonder, we evolve, we grow up and don't want to miss out on anything. As a result we miss out on each other,..

I remember all of these things. You can't help it, and I can't help you BE you, so maybe we should just let each other be who we really are for once. Let's take a ride and see how many things we can do alone or together. I have no idea where this ride will take me, As long as I don't crash and burn i am willing to ride it out

As bowie put it, we are absolute beginners,...

"Well see the stars that shine so bright
The sky was made for us tonight" - iggy pop - the passenger